Love in all its forms

there's enough to go around

I was perusing the internet recently, looking for something entirely innocuous, when I stumbled upon a forum post where people were, surprise surprise, fighting in the comments. What were they fighting about, I hear you ask. Something important, like climate change, or abortion access, or the closure of public libraries? Oh contraire dear reader, they were arguing about the love of children versus the love of animals.

Essentially, it appeared to boil down to a central theme; which is more important, valid, and proper, the love between a parent and child, or the love between a pet owner and their creature of choice? It had apparently been triggered by the original poster being upset and irritated by a local café welcoming dogs, but not children. This person had then taken to the internet to rage about this injustice, feeling their darling child had been unfairly excluded. The comments, I’m sure you can imagine, were incendiary and provocative. People had strong feelings on both sides, regarding the validity of kids versus dogs in public spaces, and the inherent love and social appreciation for both. There were those of the opinion that children should be welcomed everywhere, otherwise we’re failing as a society, and those at the exact opposite end of the spectrum, and everyone in between.

Image credit: Katie Lewis/BBC

I happened to have observed this phenomenon last year in a situation closer to home, when a pub local to my parents, where I had worked during school holidays as a teenager, posted a photo to Twitter stating the exact same opinion - dogs were welcome but not children; “Dog Friendly / Child-Free” to be exact. This had blown up, being shared and commented on hundreds of thousands of times and generating over 75 million views. It was interesting to see people from Texas and Australia having strong thoughts on the policies of a quiet, old-fashioned Home Counties real ale pub, whose regular customers are mostly solitary bearded men with little notebooks for documenting their beverages.

It got me thinking generally about this ‘debate’, both from the perspective of a child-free-by-choice person, and veterinarian. In our profession, we regularly observe the incredible depth of feeling and strength of bond that owners can have for their pets. We participate directly in the end of life process, and observe the profundity of grief experienced by people losing their beloved dependent. I obviously can’t directly compare this to someone losing a child, nor would I want to, but when guiding a person through those final moments with their pet, you would be cruel and heartless to feel those feelings are worth less because they’re directed at an animal rather than a person. The feelings are valid, regardless of their object. I’ve had grown men literally collapse in a sobbing heap on the floor upon being informed their pet has passed away.

The artist Katie Green, who identifies as asexual, has a thought provoking comic on an adjacent topic called ‘Ace Joy’. In it, they express bemusement about the importance society places on romantic love, and the hierarchy of love and relationships portrayed by the media and wider community. Romance is deemed ‘more important’ than friendship; children are ‘more important’ than pets. It begs the question; who cares and judges? It’s not a zero sum game. The love I have for my elderly terrier does not detract from the love my bestie has for her child. People contain multitudes and I’m sure there are many parents out there who experience similar levels of emotion for their human and animal dependents.

In my home town, the scene of the aforementioned pub vs. kid fiasco, there are allegedly more pubs per square mile than anywhere else in the UK. If one doesn’t suit your lifestyle, you have a plethora of others to choose from. In my experience as a guardian of dogs, there are far more places accommodating of children than there are of animals. It speaks to the hubris, in my opinion, of the original post author, to assume (presumably without checking) their child would be welcome in a public space. There’s an entitlement inherent in then sharing your wrath with the world on the internet, rather than just…walking on by.

In this increasingly fractured and divided world, it would do us all some good to take a deep breath and walk on by. Whether that’s putting down your phone rather than wading into the comments, or walking past the offending café and finding somewhere else to buy a latte; practice kindness to yourself and others by just letting it go. There’s more than enough love to go around.