Bonus content! Bare minimum Artist's Way

Week 5: Recovering a sense of possibility

I’m so far behind

Internet People

and their Bare Minimum Artist’s Way series. I think they’re on week 8, so I’m trailing almost a month late. I’ve been prioritising garden projects in my down time, and consequently have so many other things I’ve been neglecting. As I sit here on the sofa, I’m looking at 3 cushions for which I’ve been planning on sewing new covers, plus a sad bare dog bed that is patiently waiting for a cover as well. I can’t remember the last time I hoovered, I honestly think it was in February. There’s endless housework, life admin, and the ongoing house renovation. Plus all my other creative projects; my knitting bag quietly being ignored, my Hobbit Robe lying in piles in amongst the wallpaper stripping detritus.

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It’s hard to make time for everything, is how I feel at the moment. Even as I write that, I recognise the privilege in having this kind of life, where most, if not all of these projects are self imposed. I could down tools on almost all of these, bar the essentials like actual paid work, and the world wouldn’t stop turning. I just have so many things I want to do, learn, finish, create. I also like to live an organised, efficient life, where life admin is dealt with quickly, meals are planned, and the house is clean and tidy. When I get overwhelmed, I find it’s things like food shopping or house cleaning that slips, and I feel all in a guddle. I open the fridge to find nothing nutritious to eat and end up gobbling down peanut butter on toast standing by the kitchen sink, for want of anything more filling (literally did this afternoon). I fall behind on the washing up, and then have an argument with my husband because I have to clean the kitchen before I can start cooking. I feel put out, even though he’s spent the day stripping wallpaper. It’s hard to recover a sense of possibility, as Julia Cameron wants me to do this week, when you’re up to your elbows in Life. But I guess that’s why we’re doing the Artist’s Way, right? To make space for creativity, in amongst the guddle.

This week is all about being open to the possibility. Of grabbing creative opportunities when they present themselves, and not talking yourself out of good things when they come along. It’s easy to deflect when someone gives you a compliment, assuming they don’t really mean it, or they’re just being nice. Imposter Syndrome is real. JC talks in this chapter about how we act to keep ourselves in our current situation or environment, even if we know it’s not right for us, because it’s easier than making changes that might be stressful or anxiety-inducing. We worry about running out of ideas, or money, or making a fool of ourselves. I regularly experience the feeling of cringe, at my earlier self and her failed attempts to master a craft or experience. I’ll beat myself up for experimenting with style choices that ultimately didn’t suit me. I’ll look at photos of myself and critique my dress sense or hair or make up (or lack thereof). But simultaneously my ability to put myself out there and try is a personality trait for which I’m very proud. I like that I’m the kind of person who has multiple projects on the go at once, willing to give anything a shot, armed with YouTube and a dream. Yes, it regularly leads to me taking on too much and feeling stressed and overwhelmed, which is a flaw I’ll be working on for the rest of my life I think. But I’d rather be trying, failing, and learning something, than not trying at all.

By holding lightly to an attitude of gentle exploration, we can begin to lean into creative expansion

I love this quote from Julia, it nicely sums up the feelings I’m trying to express. I like to explore, to try new projects and techniques. In turn, this expands my creative repertoire, and so I feel more confident and willing to try more. At the moment, the scales have tipped too far, and I’m feeling the need to wind myself in and take some things off my plate. But over time, your plate expands in size and the things you used to have to concentrate hard to accomplish come easily.

An artist must have down time, time to do nothing. Defending our right to such time takes courage, conviction, and resiliency

I have to admit, I’ve managed one artist’s date since starting this process. I find it really hard to give myself non-productive solo time to just…chill. When I started the Bare Minimum Artist’s Way, I was excited at the possibility of taking my knitting to a café, or my journal to a bar. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done joyful things, but they’ve also been somewhat productive. I’ve been on sunny runs along the river, or spent a pleasant afternoon planting up my raised bed. This evening I could be knitting and watching Netflix (not really an artist’s date but you get the idea), instead I’m writing this blog post out of a vague feeling of guilt for being 3 weeks behind. It’s silly, it’s a self imposed deadline and no one will notice or care if I don’t complete the process at all. I enjoy these writing sessions, I have a lo-fi music channel on YouTube, a cup of tea and the lights down low. It’s a real vibe. But I’m doing it out of a sense of productivity if I’m really honest with myself. Julia calls this the ‘Virtue Trap’.

We strive to be good, to be nice, to be helpful, to be unselfish. We want to be generous, of service, of the world. But what we really want is to be left alone.

Creatives who are caught in the Virtue Trap still cannot let themselves approve of this true self. They can’t show it to the world without dreading the world’s continued disapproval.

No truer words have been spoken to me, as a chronic people pleaser who cares too much about the opinions of others. At least twice this week I’ve done things I wasn’t overly keen on doing, out of a sense of wanting to be generous and unselfish. Neither time was strictly necessary but I would have felt bad to have said no. I would have been serving myself better to stay home and have a good clean & organising session, or taking myself to a café with my knitting. I didn’t want to let people down, to have folks be disappointed in me. So I gritted my teeth and did my duty, all the while feeling mildly resentful and annoyed, thus doing everyone, myself included, a disservice.

My take-home from this week, is that to be open to the sense of possibility, you need to have space and bandwidth. In my current life season, I am at the limit of what I can manage. I need to be seriously looking at my plans, and starting to take things off my plate. I could buy cushion covers instead of sewing them. I could set aside two hours to really blitz the house, meaning I’ll go forward with a greater sense of calm and control. I need to make a list and decide what needs to be done now, and what can be kicked down the road. I have no doubt the possibilities are there, but I need space to accept them.

So as not to end on a bum note, I can happily report my ‘reading deprivation’ from week four is going really well. I’m making a concerted effort to minimise my screen time, specifically aimless scrolling on my phone. Having two absorbing books on the go is really helpful, I’m finding. One is a non-fiction that I can pick up and read either a paragraph or a chapter at a time, depending on my time limit, and the other is a fiction that is perfect for first thing in the morning, last thing at night, and breaks throughout the day. I always used to leave books beside my bed, but I’m endeavouring to ensure a book is always to hand, regardless of where I am in the house. It minimises the chances for me to fall back into scrolling without thinking. I’m already planning my next few books ahead, to ensure I don’t have a break in my reading, and it’s nice to feel excited about future reading plans. I can’t say I’ve ever experienced that feeling whilst thinking about social media.